i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
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