do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
Randomize
