their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
Randomize
