I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
In America we eat man semen.
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
Randomize
