I heard we made out
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Randomize
