she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
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