Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
Randomize
