If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
