so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Randomize
