You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Randomize
