i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
