I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Randomize
