As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
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