but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
Randomize