waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
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