she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
