doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
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