i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
My orgasm happened in two different decades
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