So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
Randomize
