I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
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