make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
Of course I have a pirate flag
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
