Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
Randomize
