there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
