i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
