ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
Randomize
