my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
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