I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
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