Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
Randomize
