I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
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