Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
Randomize
