How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
Hippo gnu deer
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
Randomize
