i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Randomize
