Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
They should really pass out barf bags in church
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
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