i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
Randomize
