you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
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