He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
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