it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
