if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
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