Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
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