Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
