I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
Randomize
