dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
Randomize
