I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
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I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
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Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
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