yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
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