brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
Randomize
