I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
