The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Randomize
