Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
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