the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
Randomize
