But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
Randomize
