The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
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