The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Randomize
