you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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