I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
