if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
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