Already got asked if we're dating
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
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