i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
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