If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Randomize