I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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