it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
