You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
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Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
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Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
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