Kareoke will never be a sober sport
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
