he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
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