If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
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