I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
Randomize
