Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
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