she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
Randomize
