Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
Randomize
