More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize
