Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
I have peed in a lot of sinks
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