he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize
