Cold hands, warm shart.
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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