i love accidental penises.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
Randomize
