I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
Randomize
