Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
Randomize
