You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
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