I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Randomize
