how hairy? two words: wookie tits
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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