I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
he was CRYING into my vagina
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
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